Welcome back to Tarot To-Go on Oddball Era where this week we’re tackling the third and final installment of my Full Year Birthday reading! That’s right — I’ve opened myself up to the entire Internet. It felt a little scary showing random strangers a look into my potential future but it turns out I love talking about myself. Like, a lot.
So far we’ve seen what the last four months of this year will bring me and what the first four months of 2020 might look like. Let’s take a look at the last few months of my twenties. Ready? Let’s go!
Back in part one, I mentioned how for the month of November I got into a fight with my oracle deck. This FALLING IN LOVE card kept flying out and I didn’t like it so I kept tucking it back in only for it to keep flying back out. Eventually, they gave me different cards but somehow managed to deliver the same message about falling in love. I love when that happens! It makes me feel like I’m actually tapped into something real. So why didn’t I like that card?
I love romance. I’m finally big enough to admit that. For a very long time, I acted like I wasn’t a fan of love. I didn’t like how other people might perceive me for being the romantic type. I thought it made me seem like a weak woman. Needy. I thought that loving love would make me less attractive to potential romantic interests. That’s how it happens in the movies, after all — the protagonist is utterly disinterested in romance when suddenly it smacks them full force in the face. I guess I thought if I closed myself off to love, it’d find me quicker.
But with all of that said — I also have major commitment issues. And abandonment issues. And I have a tendency to push people away when they start to get too close to me. It’s truly only myself that keeps me from having any romance. I’m terrified of love. I’m working on it in therapy but that shit takes time. So, when the card kept flying out of the deck, I panicked. Falling in love?! The pressure hit me. I’d have to be vulnerable with people. I’d have to let my walls down. I’d have to do work. When it flew out for November — well that seemed way, way too soon to fall in love. The deck finally showed me that they were talking about falling in love with myself, not someone else. And that was a bit of a relief. Falling in love with myself? Now that I can do.
But for the month of May? I don’t know. This could also point to falling in deeper love with myself — the months before will have been rife with growth and self healing work, allowing me to view me from a fresh perspective. However, for some reason my gut is saying this time I’ll be falling for somebody else (or maybe that’s just wishful thinking). Only time will tell.
This card has popped up before on Tarot To-Go so you might remember that a siren is a mythical creature, not unlike a mermaid such as myself, who uses her voice to lure sailors to their deaths. Dark, ain’t it? Those poor, unfortunate souls are mesmerized by the siren’s call and sail their ships right into rocks. Once they sink, they belong to the siren. Food? Maybe. A gift to Poseidon? Perhaps. Nobody knows for sure for nobody has survived the SONG OF THE SIREN. Except for Odysseus, at least. But he cheated.
For those of you who aren’t up to snuff on your ancient Greek mythology, Odysseus is the hero of Homer’s Odyssey. The poor guy was on his way home after the Trojan war but he kept getting sidetracked. I mean, this epic had everything! Storms. Lotus eaters. A cyclops. An angry sea god. Magical winds in a leather bag. Cannibals. And even some sirens!
Odysseus was warned by the Goddess Circe. She urged him to have his men fill their ears with wax so they couldn’t hear the song. He, however, wanted to listen to this famous tune for himself so he had his team bind him to the mast pole of the ship. Tied in place and unable to move, Odysseus heard their songs and looked out over the water to see the most beautiful creatures in existence sitting on the rocks, beseeching him to come towards them. He wanted to break free from his restraints and swim out to them! But the men with the wax in their ears? All they saw were monsters. Once the ship was out of earshot of the siren’s song, the hero of the story came to his senses and his men took him down from the mast pole.
So what does this all mean for me and June 2020? Well, sometimes we humans look at the world through rose-tinted glasses and the monsters start to look like maidens. In June, I’ll be tempted by something that’s really enticing and sweet. It’ll look perfect — all wrapped up in pretty paper and bows with my name on it. The deck is asking me to be cautious for not everything is as it seems. Maybe if something looks too good to be true in June it’s because it is. I have to be like Odysseus and acknowledge the call of the sirens without getting pulled to my death. It’ll be a challenge — but I’m up for a little bondage. Now where’s that mast pole?
Let freedom ring in July as I find rescue from my SOUL CAGE. The art on this particular card is so haunting to me. The way the mermaid is gently sending the human to the surface so he can breathe. The way her face looks, as if she’s sad to see him go but knows it’s necessary. The way her fiery red hair stands out against the dreariness of the deep, dark depths. What does it mean for me, personally? We’re talking about finally letting go of something, something I’ve been clinging to for far too long. Something that doesn’t belong to me. Maybe it’s the crush I let get away whom I keep holding out hope will return to my life like magic. Maybe it’s the secret I’ve held for years and told nobody about. Maybe it’s the very good friend I have romantic feelings for but who only seems to see me platonically. Maybe it’s the person I’ll fall in love with in May. Maybe it’s just a belief or a story I’ve been telling myself that keeps knocking me off track. Whatever it is — come July, I’ll be ready to push it to the surface. I’ll be ready to feel relief. To be free. To rescue myself from my own prison. That sounds incredible, honestly. But it also sounds hard.
For the month I turn 30, I’m being asked to let go and be willing to receive. That’s something I have a big problem with! I love being in control. Who doesn’t, really? I like to micromanage my life. On paper, at least! I love lists. I love taking inventory of my belongings. I love being a minimalist and every Waning Moon period I declutter my life and donate anything I no longer have a use for. But control is an illusion — none of us are in control. Ever. Life has the wheel, we’re just along for the ride.
For the month of August, The Universe wants me to let go of my tight grip on the reins. It wants me to trust it a little bit. See, Uni wants to give me what I want. I keep setting intentions but I don’t ever let them manifest. I’m an American — I’ve been trained to do. I’ve been trained to take what I want. I’ve been trained to colonize! Waiting around for something to be given to me usually means I won’t ever get it. But setting an intention is like placing an order at a diner; I have to let the line cook make my food. I don’t run into the back of the kitchen and demand to know where my meal is. I don’t change my mind because it’s taking too long to come to the table. If I do, it’ll take even longer to arrive! Same thing goes for my intentions and desires. I can make a million requests of The Universe for what I want but it takes time to move all the parts into place. It just takes some time, little girl. I’m in the middle of the ride. I just need to be patient. I just need to let myself be ADRIFT.
Why, though? What’s wrong with going for and grabbing what you want? Well, nothing. There’s nothing wrong with that mindset and at times it’s actually supremely beneficial to think that way. But, just like with anything, there needs to be balance. If I have my blinders on in my quest to get what I want, I might not see the other options at my disposal. Maybe those other options are even better than what it is I think I want! I have to let myself drift to what I’m meant to keep.
But that’s only half of it — I need to have some RECEPTIVITY, too. I need to open up my hands, my heart, and be willing to receive what I’m given. Just like my issues in the romance department! I want a relationship but I’m fearful of it at the same time, thus I never seem to find one. I have walls up to protect myself but that just keeps me from being able to accept love when it does come my way. In August, not only do I have to go with the flow, I have to be willing to take what I’m handed. Honestly? That still terrifies me. I can feel my stomach tighten and my shoulders tense. But that’s okay — August is still a ways away. And there’s a lot of growth on the docket between now and then.
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There’s one more card that I pulled for this spread — it’s the overall theme of the year. To do this, I took my traditional Rider-Waite tarot deck and pulled out the twenty-two Major Arcana cards. I shuffled those up really well until one flew out and onto the others from the reading. My result? The Sun. What does that mean? Well, I think that answer deserves its own post.
We’ve already done a spotlight on one of the twenty-two cards — The Fool — but to really understand tarot, you have to know these main babes really, really well. Since they’re so important, I figured it’d be a good idea to do a spotlight on each one of them — starting next week with The Sun.
How did you enjoy my Full Year spread? I hope it was as fun for you as it was for me. Thanks for reading — I feel like you all know me a little better now. Are you excited to learn more about tarot basics? I can’t wait to show you next week!
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