(Kylesa – a band I love so dearly played the night we were in Nashville during our road trip, but I was embarrassed to tell my friends how badly I wanted to go to the show.)
Whenever I get into music discussions with friends or people I meet for the first time, I’m always embarrassed to bring up the genre that really got me to where I am today. I always question why I’m ashamed because I shouldn’t be. For years I never spoke of it, but lately I find myself talking about it more because I just don’t care anymore. I used to be a hardcore metal head when I was younger, and I’m proud of it!
The metal genre always got a bad rap. From hair metal to accusations of satanic worship, people tend to judge those who have a taste for the heavier side of music. And it’s not very often you come across your everyday “average” person admitting to liking metal at any point in their lives. It’s a music genre that just gets crapped all over, and I really wish I knew why.
As everyone I knew was getting into “emo”, power punk, and the local Long Island music scene back in the day (where bands such as Taking Back Sunday, Brand New, and Straylight Run hail from), I started getting into heavy rock. The scene happening in my area just didn’t appeal to me; I didn’t enjoy the sound. When I discovered a heavier sound, I found what appealed to my taste and I followed it.
I remember it well – 2001 was the year I discovered System Of A Down, Linkin Park, Tool, and Rammstein. Fuse (which was MuchMusic USA back then) and MTV2 were where it was at on TV. These bands along with others who were popular at the time were played constantly. I couldn’t escape it and I didn’t want to. Of course I dove deeper discovering new bands and found a whole batch that I still somewhat listen to today. I jumped around from doom metal, to sludge, to classic, to thrash, to industrial. I enjoyed all the genres. There was something about the noise, harsh melodies, and people screaming at me that I enjoyed so much, hah.
It was something I grew to share with my older brother, but unfortunately my friends didn’t favor it so much. I was only able to find one other friend who enjoyed listening to Slipknot, Kittie, and Lacuna Coil. I couldn’t find another single soul I could share this music with. Instead, I was kinda shamed in school. People tend to not take you seriously when you say you like metal. I was judged and criticized making school a bit of a lonely place. This could possibly be why I’m embarrassed to talk about my music past as this genre never really received favorable conversations, so I always kept that fact about myself to myself.
As I moved onto discovering more music (I went real deep into the 80s back in high school) my younger brother eventually started getting into metal kinda making me revisit my music collection. I once again went through a short phase listening to some of my favorite bands up until college started. I lived with a roommate that assumed my music taste was awful because she knew I listened to metal. She was constantly surprised when I played other music that was “good”. People tend to assume if you like metal, you only listen to metal, and therefore, your music taste “sucks”. They’re not afraid to make their opinion known.
We all go through phases with music, but there was a point where the metal bands I loved so much just became a nostalgia factor for me. Every so often, I’ll go on a YouTube binge listening to bands like Kylesa, Made Out Of Babies, & Type O Negative, but that’s all. I wanted to talk about this because I wanted to get it out there. It played a large role in my life growing up. It’s a big deal to discover your taste on your own, and that doesn’t only pertain to music. But I also want to share this because I’m tired of feeling embarrassed about this important stage of my life. All the concerts I attended, the bands I met, people I became friends with outside of school, bonding moments with my brothers, the music video I was in (!!!) – it was a big deal. And I wouldn’t change anything.
If you find yourself embarrassed about anything you grew up with that you still somewhat enjoy but get judged for enjoying, just know you’re not alone! Why should we feel ashamed for liking something?
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